


Romance Class

by OzQueen



Category: Futurama
Genre: Crushes, Drabble Collection, Early in Canon, F/M, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 05:47:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12575048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OzQueen/pseuds/OzQueen
Summary: “Women don't tell the truth, Fry.” He waggles his fingers. “If you want to win Leela's heart, you need to be as cold and devious as she is.”





	Romance Class

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jingle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jingle/gifts).



> Eek, a little drabble collection. I wanted to write something more coherent but all these little snapshots wouldn't expand and line up properly -- I hope you don't mind drabbles, Jingle!

* * *

They find nothing useful in Leela's locker. Now, however, the locker is destroyed, and her items have clearly been rifled through. Also, cash is missing.

Fry is sure all of this will count against him later. Bender assures him it's all part of a larger scheme. One Fry will definitely win.

“What are we looking for, anyway?” Fry asks.

Bender shrugs and lights a cigar with his thumb. “Her personal belongings. A diary would be a jackpot. Chicks write their feelings in diaries all the time.”

“Leela keeps her diary at home.”

Bender strides toward the door. “Get your coat.”

* * *

Bender has a set of skeleton keys, but after two minutes, they're jammed uselessly in the lock in Leela's front door. He snaps them off in his stubby fingers and kicks the door in.

“Bender!” Fry cries. “All this breaking in – I don't think Leela's going to like it much.”

“Right now you've got bigger problems, Meatbag,” Bender says. “You're still a dateless loser, and I start charging increased fees after the first hour of Romance Class.”

Fry feels slight panic, but fights it desperately with indignation. “You haven't taught me anything yet! All we've done is break Leela's stuff.”

* * *

Fry figures Bender _might_ know how to get him a date with Leela. He is a robot, after all, and robots are probably smarter than humans – but the lack of positive progress and the amount of breaking and entering is making him nervous.

“So, if we find Leela's diary, we'll know what I’m doing wrong?” Fry asks, feeling hopeful.

“Sure, sure,” Bender says.

“Can't I just _ask_ her?”

Bender rolls his eyes. “Women don't tell the truth, Fry.” He waggles his fingers. “If you want to win Leela's heart, you need to be as cold and devious as she is.”

* * *

Fry feels too guilty to search through Leela's things for her diary, but too desperate to stop Bender from doing it.

Bender finds the diary in a drawer. He tosses it to Fry, before cracking his metal knuckles and trying to open the safe hidden at the back of the closet.

Fry is kept abreast of Bender's progress by a stream of muttered curse-words.

He leafs through Leela's diary with trembling fingers, promising himself that he'll make it up to her by treating her like a queen for the rest of her life. (Once he wins her heart, that is.)

* * *

Fry's not sure what's worse. The fact that he's found Leela's diary and is currently leafing through it, or the fact that he's not mentioned at all. Not even _once_.

“Bender, this is boring, and not helping,” he complains, narrowing his eyes at yet another lengthy page listing Nibbler's adorable sleeping habits. “I'm not learning anything.”

There's a grunt from the closet, and a loud clank, before a shrill bell starts ringing. Apparently, Leela's closet safe comes with a warning system.

“Uh-oh,” Bender says, emerging from the closet with empty hands and wide eyes. He flees the scene. “Cheese it!”

* * *

“I don’t suppose the two of you had anything to do with this?” Leela thrusts a photograph of her ransacked bedroom under Fry’s nose.

He splutters helplessly. “Me? No, of – of course not...”

“Fry, what are you talking about?” Bender asked, his eyes zooming in on the incriminating photo. “Don’t you remember looking for Leela’s diary?” He jacks his thumb towards the door. “It was like ten minutes ago.”

“Bender!” Fry says angrily.

Bender leans towards Leela, who narrows her eye. “He was trying to gather intel because he loves you.”

Leela puts her head in her hands. “Oh, Lord.”

* * *

“This isn’t how my Friday night was supposed to go,” Fry says angrily, sweeping up broken glass from Leela’s crushed picture frames.

“Relax.” Bender blows a smoke ring from where he’s stretched out on Leela’s bed. “This is all part of the plan.”

“What plan?” Fry asks, exasperated.

“While you’re cleaning up her broken crap,” Bender says, motioning, “she’s out there thinking over how grossly infected you are with lust.”

“Love,” Fry corrects.

“You apologize again, and offer to buy her dinner, and she’ll be all yours.”

Fry turns out his pockets. “Uh, do you take credit?”

“With 400% interest.”

* * *

“You know, if you wanted to know anything about me, all you had to do was ask,” Leela says, sounding a little more forgiving now.

“You never like talking about yourself,” Fry argues. “How am I supposed to get you to like me if I don’t know what your perfect date looks like?”

She smiles at him. “It’s not the end result that matters, Fry. I can see you’re trying. That’s what’s important to me.” She kisses his cheek gently, and Fry smiles.

Bender drags his chair between them and loops his arms around their shoulders. “Who's up for dessert?”

* * *

 


End file.
